A Tale of Two Friends
by Battle Damage
Summary: Even though MLP:FiM ended a few years ago, my friends and I still loved the show. Stories, merch, fan art, I loved it all. Things started to get a weird though when I found myself with a cutie mark appearing on my leg. Humans aren't supposed to get cutie marks, so where the heck did this come from? And what's going on with my hair? Join two friends and their journey of confusion.


Chapter 1

"Well... welcome to my new home for the next four years," I said to myself as I set down my stuff next to the apartment door. Fishing out the new keys from my pocket, I heard whining from the two animal cages behind me.

"Hold on you two," I laughed. It had been nearly impossible to find an apartment in Orlando that allowed large pets. As I unlocked the wooden door, I felt my cell phone vibrate and I heard the opening notes to 'Na Na Na,' by My Chemical Romance. Reaching into my back pocket, I pulled out my phone and looked at the screen. There was an image of Filly Luna sipping a juice box with the name William super imposed over it.

"Hey William," I greeted as I held the phone to my ear with my shoulder as I picked up my Seabag. The Seabag was pretty much a large canvas bag with clips on the top to hold it closed.

"Hey Tyler," was all he said.

"So what's up? You usually don't call unless there's a reason," I asked as I hauled my Sea Bag and several bags of clothes into the apartment. The apartment wasn't very big. It had white walls, a combined kitchen, dining room, a living room, a small bathroom, and a bedroom.

"I just want to know how you're liking Florida," he replied as I dropped my stuff in front of the dining table with a dull thud.

"It's alright... based off what off what I've seen in the lat two hours. You know, it's nice to be going back to college on the Marine's dime... again."

"Again?"

"Yeah, I went to L.A Film School for Audio Engineering and that university in Vancouver for Astrophysics. Don't you remember?" I asked as I picked up my rifle cases.

"Oh... yeah... sorry about that Tia."

Tia? What the hell did he just call me.

"And happy birthday. You're finally twenty five."

"Thanks, you too."

"Wait... my birthday's today? Jesus, I forgot." In the background I heard him smack himself.

"How do you forget your own birthday?"

"I've been busy for the last week," I replied. In the background, I heard a car door slam shut, followed by what sounded like William paying someone, probably a taxi cab driver.

"Anyways, have you noticed anything different, anything strange?" he asked. I don't know why, but William was crossing the border into Creepyville... usually it's the other way around.

"Uuuuuhm... a really creepy guy tried to flirt with me on the plane ride here."

"Oh... okay... never mind... so I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Sure, see ya," I told him before hanging up. "Did he call me Tia?"

No, I probably misheard him, I had to have. Putting my phone away, I picked up the large cages and dragged them inside, using my foot to close the door. Placing it down, I opened the cage and two dogs, one a Golden Retriever puppy named Sandy, the other a German Sheppard named Roxy, rushed out.

"Hey girls, did you miss me?" I asked as they both clambered over me. "I know you're exited to see me, but I need to get some food for us."

Standing up, I left to go get some food but I didn't bother changing out of my Desert Mar-Pats (Marine Pattern). I walked down the hall and towards the elevator. After pressing the button, I pulled out my phone and searched for a good place for pizza and a nearby liquor store. Once the elevator arrived, I pressed the button for the lobby. Yeah, I had my car down in the underground parking, but I felt like walking.

I walked down the street, the evening sunlight beating against my back. I smiled as I walked into a family run pizza-joint called Toni's, taking off my cover (hat) as I stepped in. As I waited in line, I started thinking about my old friends. I hadn't seen Harrison in a while, I couldn't even remember the last time I even talked to John, William was living about thirty minutes south of me, and Smith was still in Camp Pendleton. This was going to be a boring four years.

The line moved forward and I was at the front now. I quickly ordered two large pepperoni pizzas, one with jalapenos. As I paid the cashier he thanked me for my service and I just smiled and nodded. I moved to sit in an empty chair at the back of the room. I was going to like Florida, humid and hot in the summer, probably rainy in the winter. One of the reasons why I wanted to go to Full Sail University was because it wasn't in California. I hated the state, with its perfect weather, the crazy people, and the insane laws they kept passing.

Hearing my number called, I stood up and got my pizzas. As I headed back to the apartment, I stopped at a liquor store to pick up a bottle of gin and .90 proof vodka. Walking back to my apartment, I thought about my life so far, joining the Marine Corp right out of high school, went to boot camp at Marine Corp Recruit Depot San Diego, graduated said boot camp, went to L.A Film School for my bachelors in Audio Engineering, went to some really good college that I couldn't remember the name of in Vancouver Canada to get my Masters in Astrophysics, then I was approached for the Surveillance and Target Acquisition platoon, and now I was here.

As I approached the door to my apartment complex, I was about to set down the vodka and gin when a hand reached over to open the door.

"Here, let me get that for you," a female voice said. Looking to my left I saw a woman opening the door.

"Oh... thank you ma'am," I told her as I stepped inside and then used my foot to hold the door open as she walked through. The woman went and headed down a corridor. Turning the other way, I walked up a set of stairs instead of using the elevator. Reaching my room, room 6433, I set down the alcohol and fished my keys out of my pocket. After unlocking the door, I stepped inside and used my foot to close it. As I passed the living room, I saw both of my dogs sleeping together on the couch. Setting down the pizza and cheep alcohol, my phone started to ring. Frowning, I took out my phone and looked at the screen. I didn't recognize the number, but despite my better judgment, I answered anyways.

"Hello?" I asked cautiously.

"Is this Skyler Kalmick... the American soldier?" asked a female voice.

"It's Tyler Kalmick... who is this?"

"It's Tess."

My eyes widened, but then furrowed in confusion. When I was in Canada getting my Masters, I had met Tess in several of my classes. I had thought she was pretty smart, and we had talked on several occasions, but not enough to exchange phone numbers.

"What's up?" I asked, ignoring the fact that she had my number.

"Is the line secure?"

"Yes... it's encrypted. I'm a paranoid asshole, of course it is."

"Did you ever finish getting your Masters?"

"Sure did."

"Good. What would it take for an object to travel between universes?"

"Give me a second, I need to get some paper," I told her as I started searching for paper and a pen in one of my bags.

"First off, you would need a ship at least four kilometers long," I said as I started writing notes down furiously. There was a chance I would make a mistake, but it wouldn't be anything major. "The ship would need to be made from a titanium-tritium alloy, with at least three nuclear reactors and engines that are capable of eight hundred million pounds of thrust-"

"Why?" she said, interrupting me.

"Because you'll need to be able to leave the solar system within a normal humans lifetime. You'll be ripping a hole between universes so you're going to be producing enough Gamma, X-Ray, and Cherenkov radiation to sterilize Earth twelve times over. You'll also need a way to produce massive amounts of positive and negative energy to warp the space-time continuum. But the power required is equal to the mass of the sun."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that unless you have a completely operational, cold fusion, quantum reactor... it ain't happening."

"How would someone teleport to another universe without leaving the planet's atmosphere?"

"Well first off, you would need an anchor to absorb the radiation. The portal itself would be small, probably two and a half meters tall, one wide, and four long. You would probably only be able to keep it open for a short amount of time, say three days at a time. Though you'd still be restricted by the power issue."

"Ask about the ponies!" I heard a male voice call out in the background.

"He's an Astrophysicist, not a Bio-chemist," Tess yelled back.

"English!"

"He deals with the physics of space and quantum theories."

"Anything else?" I asked, opening the bottle of gin.

"Nope, thanks, bye," and then she hung up.

"Oooookay? That was weird," I told myself as I took the box of normal pizza and tossed it to the ground for the dogs. Opening the other box, I took a slice of jalapeno pizza and headed for the shower. I held the slice of pizza in my mouth as I unbuttoned the blouse. Once inside the bathroom, I set what was left of the pizza on the sink and removed the rest of my clothes before stepping in the shower. I sat in the shower, letting the hot water roll off my body. Taking the soap, I started to wash off my body. Starting on my feet, I worked my way up before I noticed something was wrong. Well wrong wasn't the right word for it. It was just different.

Twisting back and forth, I noticed there was something on my ass. It was a tattoo of Princess Celestia's cutie mark. Now I wasn't much of a brony, I couldn't name every character, I wrote several fanfics though very few of them became popular enough to get featured on FIMFiction, and I even got the merchandise every so often, but I did know what most of the cutie marks in the show looked like, and this was Celestia's.

Shutting off the water, I got out of the shower, dried off and made my way back to the dining room. I took out a pair of, boxers, jeans, and a grey t-shirt, before throwing them on. Now most bronies would be exited, ecstatic even, to have a cutie mark suddenly appear on their ass, but I wasn't. I was confused and worried. I didn't have this yesterday, and it didn't feel like a tattoo. It was too precise, too perfect. Now my Solar Empire symbol tattoo I had across my back was very well done, but it didn't stand up at all against this.

I sat down on the couch, thinking about what just happened. I had Princess Celestia's cutie mark emblazoned on my ass. I turned on a light, and took another look at my ass... yep, still there. Deciding to deal with it in the morning, I picked up my phone and sent William a text to call me as soon as possible before laying down on the couch and closing my eyes.

* * *

My eyes snapped open as I heard my phone ringing. Looking at my watch, I saw it was four in the morning. Whoever was calling better have a good reason for waking me up. I reached around, trying to find that god forsaken phone.

"What the fuck? This better be god dam important to wake me up at four in the god damn morning," I growled at whoever had interrupted my beautiful sleep, as I picked up the phone.

"It's William," was all I heard as I sat up, running a hand through my hair. Wait... hair? I didn't have hair last night.

"Well...?" Was all I said as I got up and headed for the bathroom.

"You texted me to call," came the response.

"Yeah... something very, very strange just happened Lu... William." Was I just about to call him Luna? What the hell.

"And tha-?" William started before I interrupted him.

"HOLY FUCK! HAIR!"

"Yes Tyler... everyone has it," William replied sarcastically.

"William, text me your address... NOW!" I yelled before hanging up. My hair had grown a lot longer over-night and was now down to my shoulders. Not only this, but it was now a combination of blue, pink, purple, and various shades of said colors. But this wasn't the only thing about my hair that had changed. My hair now waved in an invisible breeze.

Hearing my cell phone ring, I picked it up to see that William had sent me his address. I quickly copied it down and entered it into Google Maps. I grabbed my car keys, and one of my suitcases. Right before I ran out the door, I remembered the dogs. Rushing back, I opened up one of the bags and removed one of those fancy automatic food and water dispensers for pets. Plugging it in, I went and picked up one of my rifle cases, a box of ammunition, and my trusty M-92, the military variant of the M-9. And then I grabbed the bottle of vodka. I didn't really call myself a paranoid person, just extremely cautious... fuck it, I'm paranoid. Getting all my stuff in hand, I shut the door behind me and locked it before heading downstairs.

As soon as I reached the underground parking structure, my eyes immediately homed in on the white 1964 Mustang, with gold racing stripes. On the hood of the car was an image of Luna's cutie mark. This car was my pride and joy. Almost everything about the car was original. From the wheels, to the leather seats, even to the floors of the car.

"Ah baby... daddy missed you," I whispered as I opened the trunk and placed my things inside. Slamming the trunk of the Mustang, I opened the driver's side door and got in. Starting the engine, there was a loud roar as the engine spooled to life. Backing out, I exited the garage and followed the almighty Google's instructions to William's house. Luckily, it wasn't too far from Orlando and I got there in about half an hour. By then, I felt more changes, but I didn't want to check, for fear of something even weirder.

I spent the car ride thinking about what had happened. Celestia's cutie mark appearing on my ass I could, however improbable, accept and live with. But the hair, now that was physically impossible without dying the hair, and to grow that fast was next to impossible.

As I continued to think, the phone call entered my thoughts. What had that been about and why did she want to know about inter dimensional travel? As far as I could remember, Tess had never been really interested in Astrophysics or Quantum Theory. So why did she want to know about one of the most controversial topics in modern science? And then there was that voice in the background, 'ask about the ponies.' What was that supposed to mean? He couldn't be talking about My Little Pony, could he?

'But you have to admit, you really liked her,' my brain told me.

"What?"

'Yeah, she was smart, cute, and kind of naive,' came the reply.

"I didn't think that."

'Yes you did.'

"No I didn't."

'I'm your brain, I should know.'

"Fuck you."

'Time and place,' came the reply.

"That's my line!"

As I was about to continue arguing, the almighty Google told me to make a left at the next corner, I saw what was probably William's apartment. The complex was grey, with darker grey highlights here and there. Parking my car, I get out and walk into the building. I checked my phone to see which apartment was William's. Walking up several flights of stairs, I quickly found it. Reaching up I knocked on the door several times.

After several seconds, the door swung open and I saw William standing there. I don't know what it was, but there something different than I remembered. He stood there, staring at my hair.

"Hey... buy me dinner before you start staring at this sexy piece of ass," I told him with a lopsided grin.

"You haven't changed at all," he replied with a shake of his head.

"Of course not. You'd miss me," I said as I walked by him and into the apartment.

"Not likely," he said under his breath. The apartment wasn't much different than mine. It had a couch, a gaming chair, a kitchen/ dining room, a bathroom, and a bedroom. I immediately homed in on the couch and sat down.

"Tyler..." was all William said as he shut and locked the door.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"What's up with your hair?"

"And that's one of two reasons why I'm here. First off, why the fuck am I growing Celestia's hair? I'm no geneticist, but I'm pretty sure that it's impossible for human hair to grow in this color," I told him, starting a long rant. As I continued my rant, I saw William head into the kitchen. "Second, I do not recall being drunk enough at all within the last forty eight hours to go and get Celestia's cutie mark tattooed on my ass. And third of all, I don't know what to do."

"That's a first," William replied, a soda in hand. As he said this, his black cat, Puma, sauntered into the room.

"You know Luna, normal people get pets... everyone else has cats."

William stared at me with a blank face and I stared back. We continued doing this for several minutes before he raised an eyebrow at me. As he did this, I noticed that his hair wasn't curly. It was various shades dark blue and was moving in the breeze.

"Did you just call me Luna?"

"Nope."

"I'm pretty sure you just did."

"I'm pretty sure I just didn't."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Since when do I ever?"

This was good enough to shut him up. I looked around his place and noticed a telescope was standing near the window. I felt like shaking my head. William had always liked the night sky. More specifically, the moon and the constellations. I just didn't understand why, but to him, Luna was best pony.

"Uhhm Tyler?"

"Yes William?" I replied, looking back at him.

"You're eyes..."

"Yes William... everyone has them."

"They're turning pink..."

"That's impossible..." I said as I stood up, thinking William was playing a badly thought out joke. "The human genome is physically incapable of creating pink pigments in the eye."

I reached the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

"HOLY FUCK!"

My eyes were turning a bright pink, something that was one hundred percent impossible.

"Uhm... Tyler?" I heard William ask as I stared off into space. "I hate to add to our problems... but I have Luna's cutie mark."

"Good for you William. At least you get a pony's cutie mark who actually does something in the show. I got most useless pony's."

"Celestia isn't completely useless," William said as he stood in the doorway.

"Oh, really?" I said as I turned around to look at him. "Name one time where she does something useful other than get herself captured just to drive the story or get herself killed?" William didn't have an answer to this. "And on top of this, whenever she does show up, she shows up to congratulate Twilight and her friends on whatever they did. So how is that, in any possible way, useful?"

"When you put it like that..." William started before I pushed past him.

"Just shut up and let me think," I said as I sat back down on the couch, fingers folded in the triangle position of evil. This was weird, very weird. And there was the thing with Tess. I heard the voice in the background ask about ponies. That couldn't be a coincidence. If there was one thing that would stick with me from the Marines, it was that there was no such thing as coincidences, only events that were pieced together by a spider web of other events.

But whether this event was connected to My Little Pony or not was debatable. The end of the season five finale ended with the riddle that began with five score divided by four, which equals twenty five, and William and I had been living on Earth for twenty five years now. But by that same logic, everyone on Earth who was born twenty five years ago today would have this happening to them.

Deciding to get my mind off subject, I left the apartment, walked down to my car, popped the trunk, and then pulled out the rifle case and bottle of vodka before heading back into the apartment.

I saw William sitting in his gaming chair, trying to get some sleep as I set down the rifle case and popped off the top of the bottle of vodka. Almost immediately, I started chugging it, getting nine ounces down in a solid ten seconds. God that burned going down.

"Isn't that... like fifty percent alcohol?" I heard William ask as I unlocked the case and opened it.

"Ninety."

"I don't think you're supposed to drink it like that."

"My people invented it, I get to decide how its drunk," I replied as I looked down at my M-4A1 carbine. Picking it up, I started to disassemble it. "You know Will, all my life; there was nothing that I couldn't explain. I could explain quantum theory in high school. I knew how to perform the perfect bank heist. I could explain, in detail, the difference between a sapient species and a sentient species. Hell, I even have theories about how the magic in MLP works... but this," I said, gesturing to the hair and eyes. "This... I can't explain, and that scares me. Yes William, I'm scared. The mighty 'walk through the valley of death and I shall fear no evil, for I am the deadliest, baddest, motherfucking Marine in this cruel kingdom,' is scared."

"Huh," was all William said. Once I disassembled the rifle, I started to reassemble it.

"I mean, I'm no expert on genetic modification, but these changes, this fast... well... we should be dead. The rate at which our genes are changing is unprecedented in human history. And I feel that this isn't the end of it. There'll be more changes-"

"So, did you get anything for your birthday?" William asked, interrupting me and changing the subject.

"Not that I'm aware of... but I did get you something," I said with an evil smile. As I said this, William got the 'oh shit' look on his face. Standing up, I looked around the room, by now I really felt the buzz of drinking. I saw his cat was sleeping in a spot of early morning sun that streamed through the window. Still smiling evilly, I headed down to my car. Opening my trunk, I spotted a cardboard box that sat in the deepest, darkest, corner of the trunk. The box was about two feet long, and six inches thick. Grabbing it, I tucked it under my arm, shut and locked the trunk, before heading back upstairs. William was still sitting in the same spot when I got back and I decided to throw it at his head. It hit with a solid thunk and he cried out in pain.

"Ten points!" I stated as I sat back in front of the rifle.

"Asshole," was all William said as he rubbed the back of his head and picked up the box. I heard him open it, followed by the rustling of tissue paper.

"Five, four, three," I started to count down. "Two, and one."

"What the hell Tia, not cool!" William yelled as he held up a solid red, pony dildo.

"Oh god," I said as I fell over laughing. William's face a combination of horror, confusion, and anger. Something semisolid, probably the dildo hit me in the face, but I didn't care. "Oh god, that was PRICELESS," I laughed, tears starting to form in my eyes.

"Take it back!"

"Nope, that's... yours now. The company... I bought that from... doesn't... accept... returns," I laughed hysterically, pausing every few words to take a breath. "Says so... on... the receipt."

"I hate you," was all William said.

"Yeah... you and... eight million... other people," I gasped wiping tears from my face. William just glared at me for a solid thirty seconds before looking away. He got comfortable in the chair before closing his eyes to sleep. I looked at my watch to check the time, it was a quarter after five am and I had barely gotten any sleep what so ever last night. Closing and locking my rifle case, I get up and lay down on the couch. I closed my eyes and I was asleep in moments.

* * *

Celestia flew around the Chimera, launching blasts of magic at the large creature. The Chimera was a creature fearful, great, sure-footed and strong. Who had three heads, one of a grim-eyed lion; in its hindquarters, a dragon; and in between the two, a goat, breathing fearful blasts of blazing fire. Celestia could feel the heat of the volcano to her back, causing her to sweat. Discord... floated on the other side of the Chimera, doing... well, nothing really productive.

The Chimera launched another stream of fire at Celestia, hitting her left wing. Unable to hold herself aloft with one wing, she fell. Hitting the soot covered ground with a bone jarring impact, she slid towards the Volcano.

"Discord!"

"Five score, divided by four-"

* * *

I woke up gasping for air. Looking around, I saw that I was still in William's apartment. The clock said it was about four in the afternoon, and the sun was beginning to set. God, that was a strange dream, and pretty creepy to. It seemed... almost real. But it couldn't be real, it was a dream, and dreams like that weren't real. Frowning, I stood up and stretched, I couldn't remember if I've ever had a dream about MLP before, though this one seemed... real.

'Five score, divided by four.' Those words played over and over again in my head. Sitting up, I rubbed my face, but yelled out in pain. I had sat on something, something that hadn't been there before. Standing, I checked my body. The hair was longer, more colorful and kept falling to cover my eye and my eyes were probably the same if not more pink. Feeling something move in across the back of my left leg, I look down to see nothing. I moved to see where William was, and felt it again. Grinding my teeth in frustration, I pulled off down my pants, leaving me standing in my boxers, shoes, and grey t-shirt.

Twisting around, I saw a bright colorful tail that was the same color as my new hair, coming from my pelvis. After seeing this... I did what any normal and perfectly sane human male would do... I fainted.

**A/N: Yes, some of you have probably guessed that this is a Five Score inspired fanfic... that's because it is. Please, leave a review, it helps the story.**

**Quote of the day: "Let's make a sequel to the Titanic. It'll be directed by Michael Bay, starring, Micheal J. Fox, Whippy Goldberg, and Optimus Prime."**


End file.
